The Wall

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This article has been such a blessing to me. I reread it often to remind myself that I have not become cold or hard hearted. I’ve behaved in ways not natural for me but can now rest in the realization that the Lord has allowed this boundary so that my heart is protected from further hurt. He is gracious.

A Cry For Justice

There was a moment during my marriage (perhaps you could say it was the emotional end of my marriage), when “the wall” went up. It was the moment when I said “I realize that I do not know you, you are not safe for me, and I will not allow you to hurt me any more.” I remember this moment vividly — as if it happened yesterday. Physically, I mirrored my emotional state by staying at the edge of the room, observing but not engaging, as my wife raged physically against herself and the house in which we lived.

I’ve referred to this moment before as “scorched earth”- the point at which the relationship was so burned to the ground that nothing else could grow. We would spend months trying to work through this, and our marriage therapist, my wife, and I made it the primary goal of our sessions…

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Crocodile Tears

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So accurate. And yes, apparently now I am the hard hearted one. Exhausting.

A Cry For Justice

I am halfway through Martha Stout’s The Sociopath Next Door [*affiliate link].  Normally, I fly through books but this one . . . I read in small doses. Besides creeping me out a little bit, it is too shocking; too full of “a-ha!” moments; too eye-opening. Every page astounds me. How did I not know these things before? How did I not see these people in my OWN life? And I let it go on for so long.

Interestingly, Dr. Stout makes a very sobering and surprising observation. When asked what the tell-tale characteristic of a sociopath is . . . she says that it is the sociopath’s ability to extract pity from others. That’s it! I thought it would be something along the lines of “his cold, intense stare” (which is sociopathic, as well) or the “sinister tone in her voice”. The author writes:

Crocodile tears from the…

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Biblical Womanhood is Often NOT Biblical

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A Cry For Justice

We wanted to highlight this very good comment from Missdaisy who posted it on our blog in response to another commenter. So here it is, and many thanks to her. I highly suspect that many of you will identify precisely with what she is saying. [you can find her original commenthere]

Basically what many conservative Christians or conservative churches do is present codependency as being “biblical womanhood,” as though being a doormat is, or was, God’s intent for women, and is the only “biblical” way a woman or girl could be. I was certainly raised this way.

Most materials and sermons I got from Christians in my girlhood emphasized that the only way a girl or woman could be pleasing to God was to be a doormat to other people. Meaning, many hallmarks of codependency are present in this teaching, such as:

  • It is biblical or good for a girl or…

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The Alphabet of Abuse — by Ida Mae

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A Cry For Justice

Ida Mae put this in a comment under the article about how I got duped by an abuser, and we just had to put it in its own post so we are sure everyone sees it.  Many of our readers will say “Amen!” from A to Z as they read .  Her abuser repeatedly accused her of being rebellious to him in at least these 26 ways.  And yes, Ida Mae, there is another alphabet – A1, A2, A3 –  see how many more are available for you:) –

Ah yes… rebellious. I got that title for:
a) parking too far to the left when i was told to park more to the right
b) failing to read the husband’s mind (I *knew* when he was getting home, so why wasn’t dinner on the table? Despite the fact he took two hours sometimes to make a twenty minute trip home)

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The Satanic Nature of the Abuser’s Mockery

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A Cry For Justice

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Hebrews 11:36, “Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment.”

Mark 15:20, “And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the purple cloak and put his own clothes on him. And they led him out to crucify him.”

We have already posted an earlier article on the abuser’s use of disdain and dismissiveness as a weapon designed to de-humanize his victim.  This article addresses a very similar tactic, and yet it is not quite the same thing.  While disdain can be very passive (no response, a roll of the eyes, a short verbal put-down), mockery is much more active.  It also targets the victim’s personhood, but more overt.

What does it feel lie to be mocked?  Ridiculed?  To be told you are a fool.  To…

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Shame, Abuse Victims, and the Woman at the Well

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A Cry For Justice

John 4:7-18 A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” (8) (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) (9) The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) (10) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” (11) The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? (12) Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.”…

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The One-Flesh Covenant as a Key to Understanding Abuse as Grounds for Divorce

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A Cry For Justice

Genesis 2:21-25 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. (22) And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. (23) Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” (24) Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (25) And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Commenting upon these foundational words about the very first marriage, the Apostle Paul wrote:

Ephesians 5:28-31 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own…

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